It only it only is impossible to accept for those who believe that there are only two sexes, two genders, with no allowance made for anyone who does not “fit” in this scheme. There are those who think there is only one way to be a “real” man or “really male”, only one way to be a “real” woman or “really female”, often without considering that there are so many different ways to express yourself and signal your identity to others, the complex variation of human bodies, and that presentation and behavior mean very different things to different people. The concept of breaking the binary should not be hidden away in academic texts or shared only in gender-related communities: it is a valid and freeing notion for everyone to consider.

It is important too to take into account that many meanings, such as masculine, feminine, and androgynous, have been formulated long before any of us were born and are subject to change historically and culturally. I’ve decided to accept what I like, discard what I don’t and become committed to challenging as much of the allegedly obligatory baggage that I can.

I hurt the most about my identity and my body when I thought the way I was and what I wanted to be like and be seen as were unintelligible and somehow incongruent. Now I know that there is nothing contradictory about identifying as a gay male, but not as a man (or woman), and identifying as genderqueer and androgyne, but not generally visibly presenting as what is considered androgynous.

Just as there is no right or wrong way to be a “real” [fill in gender, sex, or orientation identity here], within the trans* and genderqueer community, issues that we face such as whether or not to visibly transition (whether it means clothes or medical options) must be handled on a personal level. There is no single path, nothing that unwaveringly makes you “more” trans*, “more” genderqueer, “more” queer, period.

I’m writing this now because I see so many posts, particularly from young people, who feel unsure about themselves and ponder whether there is something impossible or wrong with them because of how they feel. It is okay to be unsure of how you identify: it takes time to figure out who you are, who you want to be, and how you want the world to see you. Whether you are sure or not: know that your identity is not impossible. An infinite realm of possibilities will open up to you and how you see those around you if you know this.