I’ve been getting lots of questions on Genderqueer Identities in regards to coming out lately. I continue to welcome questions, but I would also like to make a masterpost of resources I tend to recommend to people - this is a work in progress. Please note, you should not feel obligated to come out. Furthermore, you may want to come out to some people, but not to others - this is a very personal process.

You may find pros as well as cons in the resources below  - take what you find will be useful to you and leave the rest behind. Be aware that coming out can be followed by unpredictable responses, both positive and negative, from friends, family or partners. Since there are fewer resources at present about coming out as genderqueer or non-binary, many resources will pertain to transgender people who identify as men or women - many of these suggestions can potentially be adapted to one’s own identity and situation. I have also included guides to potentially show people one has come out to to aid in understanding - as with the guides on coming out, use your own discretion, as a variety of suggestions and viewpoints are represented.

If you know of further resources concerning coming out as trans*, genderqueer, and/or non-binary or want to share your own personal coming out story, please let me know!

How-Tos on Coming Out:

Human Rights Commission: Transgender (scroll down the page to Coming Out to Family as Transgender, Coming Out in the Workplace as Transgender, and/or Marriage and Coming Out as Transgender)

MCC Transgender Ministries - Coming Out as a Transgender Person: A Workbook (religion-oriented)

PFLAG: Coming Out Trans to Your Parents & Family

Susan’s Place: A Guide to Coming Out to Family

Transgender Mental Health: Thoughts on “coming out” as Transgender to family

TransYouth Family Allies: Considering Coming Out as Gender Variant/Transgender to Your Parents?

Forums Where You Can Ask Questions About Coming Out:

AVEN: Gender Discussion, Forum GenderQueer (Russian), Laura’s Playground, Scarleteen: Gender Issues, Susan’s Place, TransYada, What is Gender?

Personal Stories and Advice on Coming Out and Other Resources:

Coming out to your parents: a 101 for non-binary types

Genderqueer Fashionista: Coming Out to My Family

Hackgender: On Coming Out as Genderqueer

Neutrois Nonsense: On (Not) Coming Out

Neutrois Nonsense: Coming Out: The Plan

Nico Lang: Yup, I’m Genderqueer

When I Came Out: Stories on Coming Out as Genderqueer

youwillfly: Dating a Genderqueer (focused on coming out to a partner)

Search genderqueer.tumblr.com for posts on coming out

Search genderqueerid.com for posts on coming out

FAQs and Guides for People You Have Come Out To:

American Psychological Association: Answers to Your Questions About Transgender People, Gender Identity, and Gender Expression

Feeling Wrong in Your Own Body: Understanding What it Means to Be Transgender by Jaime Seba (a good general guide - title may be problematic; this includes some discussion of genderqueer identity)

Gendered Intelligence: A Guide for Parents and Family Members of TransPeople in the UK

Gender Now Coloring Book: A Learning Adventure for Children and Adults by Maya Christina Gonzales

TransWhat?: A Guide Towards Allyship

I’ve seen some confusion lately about a spectrum model of gender versus a poles model (as I refer to them here) so I hoped to clear that up here. A ‘spectrum’ model refers to an infinite variety of gender, a good representation would be a literal spectrum of colors versus only two available, as illustrated here. The ‘poles’ model of gender often places man and woman on opposite points and identities like genderqueer or androgyne in the middle, illustrated here.  A spectrum is often represented as a circle with a rainbow gradient, while the poles model is often represented as a line. 

While the poles model can be useful for introducing someone to the concept of gender-variance and diversity, like many other models useful for introductory purposes, it does not tell the whole story, there is no way to represent what is outside of the line, and portraying ‘man’ and ‘woman’ as if they are opposites, amongst other issues, can be problematic as well. This is where the spectrum metaphor comes in handy. I have seen people use the word ‘spectrum’ in a negative sense in regards to gender, conflating this with the model of genders on opposite poles. I was even at an event where someone was talking about how ‘limiting’ the gender spectrum was and they then proceeded to draw a line on a chalk board to represent it…I’m not sure how this has begun to happen, perhaps because gender terminology can get quite tricky. There are also surely alternative ways to represent gender apart from these two as well!

Some of the spectrum models attempt to place specific identities in different color ranges and, while more inclusive than many pole-style models, identities inevitably get left out, so I prefer spectrum-as-metaphor for gender. At any rate, a spectrum of gender is a good thing because it allows for an infinite range of gender diversity.

2011 have been quite a productive year for me in the way of gender, sex, and sexuality. I’ve determined what I want to major in at the junior college level, LGBT Studies and Library Technology, and what I want to pursue in careers and at a university, which is continuing on with libraries as well as pursuing sexology. I received a scholarship for a paper on genderqueer history and identities, the same material (but in continually updated form) that is present on the What is “Genderqueer”? and History pages of Genderqueer Identities. I’ve interned with [SSEX BBOX] and the Center for Sex & Culture.

Doing this work has helped me to direct the energy of what has been very intense and upsetting to me in the past, my struggles with my own identity, in a positive way. I’ve gotten to know so many fabulous people. I’ve learned and grown in ways I couldn’t have imagined the year before. But, what of my own identity? I realized recently that I’ve not been as introspective as I was when I didn’t know much about what “transitioning” really meant and how it applied to me as a genderqueer, male-identified person.

When I was a teenager and discovering things about my identity for the first time, I thought that transitioning as someone on the transmasculine spectrum invariably had to mean a set arrangement of certain steps involving specific kinds of clothes, specific items, and specific desires for medical procedures. I felt like there was something wrong with my fears and doubts about some of these aspects, until I realized (and it seems silly to not have known now) that it is okay, and indeed preferable, to choose what is ideal for myself in becoming the most comfortable and happy with my identity as I could be. Common ground of identity and transition is incredibly important for helping one decide what one does and doesn’t want to do, finding support, and community. It is okay to seek out alternatives or not do something at all, however common it may be. To me, transitioning means getting to the point that I feel most in harmony with myself, coming from a place of uneasiness.

One thing that I have done that I would recommend for anyone who is seeking to pursue gender or sex related transition is to create a text document solely for this purpose. Here, I have created categories in bold that are relevant to my situation or future possibilities such as Binders, Fashion, Therapy, Mastectomy, and so on. Under these headings, I collect ideas that I have had and links to articles and resources that may help me make decisions related to my identity (including clarifying what aspects I am not interested in, but may come in handy to recommend to someone else). If an aspect of transition is important to you that isn’t discussed as commonly, don’t worry about it: add that as a category too. Anything that is important to you that has an impact in this area should be included. Doing this has really helped me decide what changes I do or might want to make, what I want to stay the same, and what I am not interested in. My notes and ideas have been scattered in various places, digitally and on paper, until now: it seems like such a simple idea now, I wish I would’ve thought of it sooner! I didn’t because I thought some of what I wanted was impossible: exploring these possibilities has helped me to see that there is so much I could do that would help me feel better now and in the near future.

I would also strongly recommend, should you choose to pursue creating such a document for yourself, an Inspiration category right at the top. This should include people, pictures or resources that cause you feel to inspired and hopeful (whether about your trans* identity, or even reminders about a variety of things that lift your mood, like a favorite book or happy memory). A few of my personally inspiring selections include Kate Bornstein’s Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws and My Gender Workbook, Femme FTM, and Genderfork.

I hope that you find your way happily and have a fabulous new year,

Marilyn Roxie | Genderqueer Identities

I have seen, over and over again, the decrying of “labels”. This happens especially concerning the words genderqueer and pansexual, likely because they are terms that are increasingly entering the public consciousness and are yet to be understood on a wide scale, not because they are new (genderqueer is relatively recent, dating from around mid-90s, pansexual was used decades before it has become more common to encounter). Because these identities are not widely understood and, thus, are still uncommon identities for people to have even though awareness is increasing, the “don’t label yourself” train rolls on in.

I am personally very thankful for the increase in genderqueer awareness through words (from genderqueer as a concept, to terms like androgyne and non-binary). Not knowing there were others with similar identities to what I’ve been experiencing for years was very isolating. It is nice to know what words to type into a search engine, what words to use in a queer studies class discussion, what words to use to tell someone to help them understand something very important about my identity. Identity words are limiting, but they are also often necessary to help us understand ourselves and to communicate with others. You don’t want to or can’t use a word to define your gender, sex, or sexuality? Cool! Since there’s so much pressure to pin a description on oneself, it is certainly a viable course of action to take. There are many types of identity and expression that there are not adequate single words to describe anyhow: language is extremely limiting. But, please, this shaming of other people for forming communities around identity terms and finding and using words to articulate what they’ve been feeling and understanding about themselves, often before they had access to this vocabulary but did not know how to put into words, needs to stop.

I needed to know that I wasn’t alone in how I felt about myself when I was a teenager: I didn’t know how to find this information at that time and this caused me much emotional suffering and feeling as though there was something the matter with me. What did it mean to me to be able to put into words, at last, easily what I had been mulling over in my head for years? This made me happy, relieved, and wanting to help others learn more about genderqueer as a concept and its history.

I notice this shaming going on inside and outside the queer community, and often from people who do, in fact, use “labels” to describe aspects of themselves in the way of gender, sex, and sexuality. This also tends to not be done outside the realm of these (very pathologized, I might add) identities. I have thus far not been “called out on” or questioned about identifying as “a post-punk fan”, “a synth musician”, or “a San Franciscan”. These terms are all quite accurate and are aspects of myself I feel strongly connected to, but when it comes to using words like “genderqueer” and “androgyne” when aiming for an accurate description of my gender? Ha! Labeling. “Special snowflake”. I can’t help but think if this insidious concept itself could speak it would say something like: “Now dear, if you just settled on a nice ordinary gender, we wouldn’t be having this discussion…”

I have yet to see someone get into a verbal scuffle over denying someone’s (who is cisgender) right to use man or woman (or father, mother, son, daughter, boy, girl, and so on) in their descriptions of themselves, because, as I probably don’t even need to add, these are socially acceptable identities. Many people have issues with gay and lesbian sexuality for a variety of reasons, but it isn’t usually until bisexuality and pansexuality come into the picture that labeling suddenly becomes an issue, largely by virtue of being less common than more predominant identities and rather misunderstood. Learning more about the identities of others, rather than assuming that certain identities should be subject to vigorous questioning and denial, would be a more positive way forward.

Someone who identifies as genderqueer is most likely not “doing it for attention”. This may have attracted your attention because, hey, maybe you’ve never met someone who identified that way before, or at least the concept is one that you don’t understand. Just because the term is new to you, or even new in general, also doesn’t mean that the concept isn’t, as TVTropes would say, Older Than You Think (such as the concept of being between or beyond man and woman: just check out anthropological research on “third gender” identities around the world) or that someone hasn’t been experiencing something before they knew how to best describe themselves with words that made sense to them and, in shaping identity and often connecting with others, helped them become more comfortable and happy with themselves.

In the end, how does it make sense to police people’s right to accurate self-description?

I have had a lot of personal obstacles to overcome in my journey to get to where I am today in understanding my gender, sex, and sexuality identities and issues. Coming to better understand myself in this regard, as well as defining what I want out of myself and my relationships with others is going to be a life-long process that will not end with “coming out.” It doesn’t end with spreading awareness or being an activist for queer rights, or for human rights in general, although for me it has gotten a bit easier as time passes and I’ve realized that I’m not alone in many of my struggles and, importantly, that many of my struggles were the result of a lack of information access and knowing what my options and possibilities really were and are. I feel so much freer to be myself today than I did when I was 15, and even freer than I did the same time last year.

However, there is a particular, lingering feeling that I haven’t yet learned how to shake and that I sometimes fear will never quite go away: shame. I’ve asked myself many times, where did this come from? I’ve felt so grateful that my immediate family has never shamed me for my identity and has been considerate when asking questions - I know not everyone has this experience. I wasn’t even “out” when I was in a less open environment, so I didn’t have to deal with the repercussions that would have happened then either. So, what gives?

Does the shame come from society and all of the negative messages there are out there about queer identities, whether I really believed them or not? Because acceptance isn’t the default, so much work is required to get to a level of personal acceptance. I have gone through various stages of grappling with the implications of my identity: first, I knew I was attracted to conceptualizing myself as a gay male in a relationship with another male. Then I realized that “girl” and “woman” did not seem to apply to me. Then I found trans* communities. Then I realized “man” didn’t apply to me either, even though “male” does. Then “genderqueer,” “androgyne”, and gay male fit me. Now that I’ve been able to finally articulate what my identity means, there’s a sense of, well, now what?

Recently, I have noticed a tendency for non-binary to be used as the go-to umbrella term for non-normative gender (gender not along the lines of man or woman, specifically) and as an alternative to genderqueer, and a tendency to perceive genderqueer as a specific identity rather than as an umbrella term. Currently, both of these terms are being, and have been, used in an umbrella capacity, and in the case of genderqueer only, as singular identity as well. Genderqueer, when used in its wider sense, is also meant to be a much larger umbrella than non-binary; queer gender (identity or expression) covers a lot of ground; non-binary refers to non-binary identities specifically. They’re not exactly interchangeable.

I have seen some assertion that genderqueer is/should “not” be used as an umbrella term, even at the generally great Queer Dictionary which claims that genderqueer is “sometimes also incorrectly used as an umbrella term”. This bothered me particularly because of the overwhelming amount of research and pouring over books and websites that I’ve done to uncover the history of “genderqueer” and its usages, many of which have defined genderqueer as an umbrella term. It would be more accurate to say that the usage of genderqueer may be shifting away from being used as an umbrella term in favor of non-binary when used in reference to identities rather than expression only, not that using it in this way is somehow wrong, or worse, that it never was used this way. Remember, the terms you prefer are entirely up to you! What you feel describes yourself best and considering the utility of umbrella terms are what is most important. I am writing this piece primarily to find out the relationship and differences between these terms.

To put this complicated issue as simply as possible: non-binary refers to gender that is not binary (not man nor woman) and genderqueer refers to gender that is queer (non-normative). Because gender that is not binary may be regarded as “queer” because it is not normative, it becomes easy to see why these terms have been used interchangeably. However, queer is also often used in a radical or political context, so some who may otherwise have considered themselves genderqueer may feel distanced from the term, or more closely aligned with it, due to this association. In short, genderqueer is often non-binary (except for in the case of referring to expression / performance exclusively), but not all non-binary identified people may consider themselves genderqueer for a variety of reasons, which I will discuss. 

An excellent example of an individual at odds with the notion of genderqueer as an umbrella term can be found in Nobody Passes (2006) in this essay by Rocko Bulldagger, excerpted here:

From Time Out New York, February 3, 2005: “Genderqueer: This umbrella term refers to anyone who doesn’t fit into the traditional binary male-female system-from androdykes to trannyboys.” My own personal definition of genderqueer: (1) A person who is painfully deliberate and consciously political in their gender expression. (2) Someone who identifies with efforts to subvert oppressive power dynamics by undermining traditional gender expectations. (3) A person whose gender presentation is over determined by traditionally gendered signs—somebody who displays excessive femininity or masculinity.

In my research, both academic and personal, I have frequently encountered genderqueer in these capacities, sometimes overlapping:

• as an umbrella term for identities “other” than man and woman
• its political/radical implications
• to refer to “queer” gender performance / expression
• a stand-alone identity

As a stand-alone identity, genderqueer may cover the “it’s complicated” arena of gender, refer to presentation as well as personal identity, and/or be used in place of or alongside more specific identities that may be considered non-binary (androgyne, bigender, and so on). The clearest way I’ve found to describe genderqueer is using a 5-pronged definition: genderqueer identities may include those who identify as 1. both man and woman, 2. neither man nor woman, 3. moving between two or more genders, 4. third gendered or other-gendered (includes those who prefer “genderqueer” or “non-binary” to describe their gender), 5. having an overlap or blur of gender and orientation and/or sex”. The downside to this is potentially incorporating individuals who would not identify themselves as genderqueer; when this may be the case, it is generally better to use the specific identity in question rather than a term that the individual or group may not prefer.

Here are a variety of definitions and mentions of genderqueer that I’ve come across that point to meanings of the concept; they vary and you may not identify with some or all of these definitions:

“People who identify as genderqueer or intergender may consider themselves as being both male and female, as being neither male nor female, or as falling completely outside the gender binary. Some genderqueer people see their identity as one of many possible genders other than male or female, while others see genderqueer as an umbrella term that encompasses all of those possible genders…Genderqueer people are united by their rejection of the notion that there are only two genders.” (Serving LGBTIQ Library and Archives)

“Genderqueer is also a colloquial or community term that describes someone who identifies as a gender other than ‘man’ or ‘woman’, or someone who identifies as neither, both, or some combination thereof. In relation to the male/female, genderqueer people generally identify as more ‘both/and’ or ‘neither/nor’, rather than ‘either/or’. Some genderqueer people may identify as a gender and some see it as a third gender in addition to the traditional two.” (Creative Encounters: New Conversations in Science Education and the Arts)

“Genderqueer people-those who choose to live their lives somewhere between the usual gender roles-are softening the boundaries of gender and demonstrating what life without the binary might look like.” (Dossie Easton, The Ethical Slut)

“Genderqueer: 1. A term which is used by some people who may or may not fit on the spectrum of trans or be labeled as trans but who identify their gender and sexual orientation to be outside of the binary gender system, or culturally proscribed gender roles. As with any other groups that may be aligned with transgender identities, the reasons for identifying as genderqueer vary. 2. People who identify as both transgender and queer, individuals who challenge both gender and sexuality regimes and see gender identity and sexual orientation as overlapping and interconnected.” (Trans* and Queer Wellness Initiative)

Although there are nuances with these definitions, they largely cover the same region of gender other than man and woman and illustrate that some may consider themselves genderqueer and see genderqueer as the gender that they identify as, while others understand it and utilize it in a broader sense. While the meaning of genderqueer as a concept may be relatively clear, what it means to individuals will vary and, particularly, where political and radical concepts may be applied will create variation and divergent reactions to the potency of a term like “genderqueer”. It is important to note that the earliest usages I’ve come across are all utilizing genderqueer either as an umbrella term or a term with a meaning of something along the lines of “not man and woman”.

What about non-binary, then? Non-binary gender is a term I’ve encountered most often in academic texts, though less often overall than genderqueer and (so far) never encountered in a glossary (check out these Google Books results for a sampling). It needs to be understood that the widespread usage of this term as an alternative to genderqueer’s umbrella capacity is a relatively recent development.

There are pros and cons to the umbrella usages of these terms. Genderqueer is problematized by (mis)understandings of the implications of queer and that some people use it as a stand-alone identity as well; non-binary is only recently gaining currency as an umbrella term of choice for a wide range of identities. The discourse around these terms seems to indicate that non-binary is more inclusive somehow because of the association of genderqueer with female-assigned individuals and the United States. I would challenge that it is more of an assumption than association, because many of the pioneers of genderqueer identity and “gender outlaws” themselves were actually male-assigned (Riki Wilchins and Kate Bornstein, for example) and, from the two surveys I’ve conducted right up to the Genderqueer Health survey I’m scanning through now just completed a couple of days ago, people who identify themselves as genderqueer are an incredibly diverse bunch and are not strictly from the U.S.

I am divided personally about where I stand with this issue. Genderqueer is the term I’ve encountered most often in my research and is the initial word that really clicked in my head and made me think “This is me!” I think queer itself is a term with fantastic utility, as well as recognizable limitations, although I think many of these perceived limitations come from assumptions rather than actualities. Non-binary, however, doesn’t seem to have the baggage that genderqueer may carry and thus may, in time, end up being the umbrella term of choice in reference to identity. As an exchange I had with Nat (@quarridors) recently reminded me, not all genderqueer people identify as non-binary, because the term is also used in reference to their expression rather than identity. 

Ultimately, I would like to make it clear that, historically, genderqueer has frequently been employed as an umbrella term and is still being used that way, although this usage is increasingly being questioned (a great thing, I think) and the alternative of non-binary is more often being brought to the table when it is applicable. Again, the distinction should be made between the wide-reaching purpose of genderqueer, and the identity specific utility of non-binary.

I’ve noticed a trend in responding to queries about genderqueer / non-binary identity with responses like “go educate yourself!” and “just google it” or “I’m not here to teach you about [insert concept]”. While it makes sense to respond with irritation if someone is being particularly invasive or asking questions they could easily find answers to elsewhere, I notice these kind of responses being given even when the question was not asked rudely, as well as when the person asking the question might not be sure where they went wrong. I think it’s important to uncover better approaches on both sides. The following applies primarily to on-line discourse but some points have in-person applications as well.

For those receiving questions:

• Telling someone to “educate themselves” or similar may leave them feeling confused and hurt. Educating oneself is ultimately a positive thing, but someone may not know where to begin. Even if they try to search, they still might not be able to find the answers that they’re seeking because, when looking up information about genderqueer identity, it can be difficult to find complete, reliable information outside of accounts of personal experience. If you are not in a position to answer their question or you think they would be better off consulting another source, you may want to direct them to sources like those listed at Genderqueer Links and Books or another favorite resource like a book, on-line community, or blog article that may help.
• If you’re being asked a question that you consider invasive or are uncomfortable answering for whatever reason, as an example: the status of your genitals, you may want to either ignore the question or simply tell them that you’re uncomfortable answering. If they won’t back down, it might be good to remind them that you doubt that they would want to be asked about something they consider private. It might seem hard to believe that many people don’t get this, but I know from first-hand experience that many people do not seem to find anything wrong with inquiring about this particular matter until the reasons why it’s not generally acceptable to ask (unless you’re someone’s doctor or sexual partner, for example!) are explained. Chances are, their intention was not to be disrespectful to you; if their question came across that way, you may want to tell them why so they can avoid doing this to others in the future. 
• If someone does not have respect for your identity from the get-go or at any point in time during a discussion, you might be better off not engaging with them at all. If you don’t have the energy to answer a question or are tired of answering similar questions frequently, I recommend either ignoring the questions or having an ‘about me’ page or other reference resource to direct people to for matters you’re comfortable talking about but don’t want to have to reiterate.
• No, you shouldn’t be obligated to teach others all about your identity. However, at those times when open and respectful discussion about these matters is possible, you might be able to help someone understand something that they may be able to apply to their own life and the lives of those around them for the better - awareness of genderqueer identity will help everyone become equipped for acceptance and understanding.

For those asking questions:

• In general and unless someone specifies otherwise, asking personal questions about someone’s “real name”, inability to use a person’s preferred pronouns, or asking questions about someone’s status of genitals (whether they’re non-, pre-, or post-op) are not good moves and are likely to be taken as a sign of disrespect, even if you didn’t mean it that way.
• Do try consulting external resources first (Genderqueer Links and Books).
• When using Tumblr, reconsider asking a question anonymously. Sending someone a question under your real account, rather than anonymously, and encouraging them to respond to you with a private message rather than posting on their page may help. You are far more likely to enter into a polite discussion with another person if they can put a face (or, er, avatar) to the person they’re engaging with. Even if it is not intended that way, asking anonymously may be taken as a rude gesture. Your wording and tone becomes much more critical when you ask anonymously because of this, so think carefully before doing this.
• Get to know them. Would your first exchange with someone in-person be inquiring about their gender identity? Probably not. Being genderqueer is just a part of a person’s multi-faceted identity: we have backgrounds and interests of all sorts too. You may feel curious about something regarding someone’s gender identity right now, but if you’ve never discussed anything with them otherwise, an inquiry about this might come across as that you’re reducing them to this identity or choosing to focus on this alone. Considering the whole person is the pathway to respectful discussion.

Are these terms synonymous or do they have different definitions?

My understanding is that genderqueer literally refers to gender that is queer / non-normative and may either be used as an umbrella term encompassing such identities or as a stand-alone identity. In my research, I had found the term “genderqueer” used to refer to any of the following (from the What is “Genderqueer”? page):

1. both man and woman
2. neither man nor woman
3. moving between two or more genders
4. third gendered or other-gendered (includes those who prefer “genderqueer” or “non-binary” to describe their gender)
5. having an overlap or blur of gender and orientation and/or sex

Non-binary refers to identities not part of the man/woman, male/female binary. So, is this synonymous with genderqueer (when both are used as umbrella terms) or is there something I’m missing? I know that some people prefer non-binary over genderqueer because of radical or political connotations of the word queer which may or may not be desired, or because genderqueer can refer to a stand-alone identity as well and this may be at times problematic, or because they feel non-binary describes themselves better.

As I mentioned previously, I’m going to be covering psychological and medical aspects of genderqueer/non-binary health care for the health class I’m in (check out the related survey!). Below is the outline I’m working on to prepare for the project. Again, I plan to address that there are non-op/no-ho genderqueer individuals (I’m one of them!) and that not everyone needs to or will decide to select from health care available for genderqueer-related reasons. Any suggestions for topics to cover or resources to use would be much appreciated.

I. Genderqueer Health: Mind and Body

A. Introduction to psychological and medical aspects of health care for genderqueer-identified individuals: 1. Defining terms of gender, sex, and sexuality; 2. Brief history of genderqueer identity: historical, 1990s to present

B. Community concerns: genderqueer in the U.S.: 1. What options for health care are available for genderqueer people in the United States?; 2. How can MTF and FTM transition be compared and contrasted with genderqueer transitional paths?

C. Why I chose this topic

II. Seeking Out Care

A. Therapy: 1. Individual practitioners; Gender Identity Disorder (GID); 2. Group therapy

B. Medicine: hormones and SRS: 1. Psychologists as gate-keepers to medical transition: pros and cons; 2. Medical options

C. Potential barriers to care

III. Genderqueer Experience: A. Self-identification and personal stories; B. Excerpt from interview with Alexander Yoo (psychotherapist, founder of GenderQueer Revolution); C. Non-op/no-ho

IV. Resources: A. Organizations; B. Websites; C. Activism

V. Conclusion: A. What I learned

VI. Bibliography

Many, many times I have noticed genderqueer/non-binary and trans* identities referred to as a “trend” spreading on the Internet and in youth subculture. Due to its supposed “trend” status, the status of some or all of those who claim these identities are then questioned, sometimes tied into the issue of identity appropriation.

It can be easy to be defensive at the idea that one’s own identity, one that already is often misunderstood, is either unreal altogether or is appropriation of an identity. While one shouldn’t feel they have to “prove” themselves solely for the sake of then discrediting the questioning side, I think all of us, whether trans*, genderqueer, or allies, have a responsibility to be informed about these issues and do our best to handle them. Firstly, genderqueer identities do exist and there is increasing awareness that potential medical and psychological needs of non-binary people should be acknowledged and there is a need to build communities. Any who don’t accept the concept of genderqueer identities may find themselves in this position due to one or more of the following: 1) adhering to the gender binary of man/woman, 2) working within a conceptual framework of what gender means that is incompatible with allowing genderqueer identities to be articulated, or 3) not being sure (for example, lack of access to information to evaluate the meaning of “gender”, “queer”, and related terms) / not having heard of the term. Secondly, as with just about any identity, appropriation is possible and does happen. See an article on Questioning Transphobia for more on this. However, because it is possible does not mean that all trans* and genderqueer identities should be treated as appropriative or “trendy” until proven otherwise. This is a backwards, “guilty until proven innocent” modality that not only hurts people who are genderqueer and trans* but may also discourage people in general from learning and exploring what gender identity is and what it means to them.

The wide spectrum of gender identities have been steadily increasing in visibility thanks to the Internet. There are lots of wonderful websites and places for sharing stories of experience and reaching out for help and to give advice. Not knowing how to locate these resources when I was struggling with my identity back in my early teenage years is what increased my suffering - having a network to get in touch with and locate information has helped me become more comfortable with myself and yearn to learn more about what concepts like “gender” and “sex” mean to the point that it has influenced my college major and potential career path. At the same time, I have also explored related books and communities off-line, such as at school or in sex-positive and queer-positive spaces. Without doing this, I would not have been able to form a more complete picture of my own identity and the identities of others, and I wouldn’t have been able to gain the in-depth understanding of genderqueer history (and, really, queer history in general) and identities that I now have.

At the same time, I am aware that not everyone out there, whether exploring (and, really, it is okay to not be sure how you identify just yet - you have a lot of time to figure that out!) or quite sure of their identity, has access to information or support, whether that means having supportive family and friends who will discuss aspects of identity with you or a support group or a library in convenient distance from home (or, even if so, one with an adequately stocked library of materials relating to gender, sex, and/or sexuality), for example. The Internet, as present as the dangers of anonymous “trolling” and misinformation are, can often be a safe space for queer and questioning people of all kinds to seek out others and share information, particularly when there may not (yet) be a comparable space outside of this on-line setting that where it is safe to discuss such things.

Although my family has been supportive, the rest of my immediate network would not have been and this situation didn’t change until I moved to San Francisco, where I feel so much freer and have access to communities and classes that I did not have previously. Not everyone is at that stage. Many people (especially young people who are still living at home) may be scared to come out, particularly to their family, due to potential repercussions like being thrown out of their house. Many of these people may also not be sure where to begin with seeking out counseling, particularly because the help that exists is primarily geared towards medical transition along female-to-male and male-to-female lines.

If you are in a position to do so, please do seek out connections with others who may be able to relate to your situation off the Internet with appropriate support groups or counseling if they are available. Only come out to others if you feel like it would be the right thing to do and consider what the aftermath might be (click here for my response to an anon about this). Want to know if genderqueer or the associated identities might describe you accurately? The How do I know if I’m genderqueer? portion of the FAQ might help in the short-term, but only you can evaluate the information out there and your own experiences, no matter what you read, who you connect with, or whose advice you seek out, professionally and informally. As for those who discredit your identity or identity questioning and exploration, point them to information and share your experience, if they will allow it. Keep in mind that many people have not even heard the term “genderqueer” until recently or, still, not at all.

If you’re someone who claims the identity genderqueer solely as a political statement (and, while the concept does have political applications, I doubt most who are genderqueer are based on politics alone), or, as some suggest, because it is part of a “trend”, I suggest you re-examine the words you use to describe yourself.

I was mulling over this before deciding to post about it here. It doesn’t have to do with genderqueer identity or issues specifically but, as time goes on, this site is expanding to now and again cover a broader array of gender, sex, and sexuality issues that I think would be of interest and concern to the readership of this site. Awhile back, I had encountered a section of text copy-pasted from PornHarms.com, from their ‘Increases Violence’ section on a social networking site. I attempted to confront the poster about some of the inaccuracies stated in this piece, but my comment went without a response for weeks and then was deleted with no explanation offered, the last I checked. Now I want to elaborate on my initial concerns here. Before I go any further, I want it to be known that I fully support, 100%, the following: one’s decision to watch (or participate in) pornography, to not to watch (or not participate in) pornography, or to still be unsure about the matter and in the process of evaluating it. Better still if the decision made is an informed one based on information from a variety of sources, not one based on the content of sites like PornHarms, and by evaluating personal (dis)comfort levels and interests.

PornHarms makes no attempt at being well-rounded about this complex issue, stating on their sidebar: “This site is dedicated to providing the most accurate peer-reviewed research on the harm from pornography, along with relevant news, opinion and personal experience.” Despite their statement about accuracy, their ‘Increases Violence’ section is chock-full of inaccurate, myth-based, and/or blown-out-of-proportion statements. I am only quoting one block of text (which generates a much longer response from me!) from PornHarms’s ‘Increases Violence’ section, bolding the points I will address, and may quote further in future posts:

Pornography, which portrays women deriving pleasure from physical abuse, tends to enable men to foster attitudes more forgiving of violence against women and to become more comfortable with the “idea” of rape.

First of all, I don’t know how anyone with an understanding of how to evaluate web sources would find the above statement without fault (checking for “authority, accuracy, objectivity, currency, coverage, and appearance” is a reliable method; objectivity fails right off the bat in the case of PornHarms). Pornography is any material designed with the purpose of stimulating sexual arousal. You can easily find similar definitions to what I have stated above elsewhere on the web and in print, including via Merriam-Webster, Stanford, and Oxford. Some definitions also incorporate the notion of obscenity. For example, at Dictionary.com the top definition (cited as based on the Random House dictionary) for pornography is “obscene writings, drawings, photographs, or the like, especially those having little or no artistic merit.” The connection with obscenity is further complicated in legal definitions, such as the definition from the Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary of Law cited further down the page: “Pornographic material is protected expression unless it is determined to be obscene.” Obscenity, the nebulous concept that it is, is difficult to define universally since individuals, groups of people, schools of thought (including philosophy and religion), and cultures have widely varying ideas about what is moral and immoral, decent and indecent, and these may fluctuate over time.